Afraid you might be a writer? You are not alone, there are many others with this difficult condition. Here are some signs and symptoms to look out for:
1) Frequent Daydreaming.
You may drift away in the middle of an important lecture at work, or phase out in the middle of a boring conversation. You can’t help but dream up fantastic, twisting plots and heroic protagonists whenever you get a spare second. People may accuse you of not listening, or having your head in the clouds.
2) Everyone is a Potential Character.
You stare for too long at that old bag lady walking by with her shopping cart, and your knobby-kneed neighbor makes you jerk your little notepad out of your pocket and start scribbling. Strange people fascinate you, and every word out of their mouths is whisked away into your memory bank for future dialogue.
3) You Spend More on Books Than on Essential Items.
You don’t need food that badly, and that sweater is hanging on by its last threads, but it will be fine. That new book is coming out on Monday, and you can survive on Mr.Noodles for a few more days.
4) Office Supplies Make You Strangely Excited.
You spend too long in the aisle at Staples, and the clerk is starting to eyeball you. But you’re not causing trouble, you just want to run your fingers over the blank pages of that beautiful white notebook, and test out the new ball point pens they got in yesterday. You’ll just sign your name a couple times on the sample page. The clerk can sell it later when you get famous. He’ll be grateful then, won’t he?
5) Neil Gaiman is Your Brad Pitt.
Wait, who is Brad Pitt?
6) You Would Rather See a Book Signing Than a Rock Concert
Because writers are your rock stars.
7)You Don’t Sleep
Your brain is too stuffed full of brilliant ideas, and you have to keep getting up to write them down.
8) You’re Slightly Mad
From lack of sleep, food and obsessing over a single thing for 90% of your life. For a complete list of WHY you are mad, click HERE.
10) You Both Love and Hate the Internet
Because it’s a time-sucking vortex. It allows you to interact with fans, helps with questions and provides hours of entertainment when you SHOULD be writing.
11) You’ll use ANYTHING For a Bookmark
Bills, money, pencils, other books…if your cat would sit still long enough you’d shove him in there. As long as it marks your place while you make lunch. Occasionally an actual bookmark will be put to use.
12) You Narrate Things Occasionally
This dinner is burnt, I say angrily, as I throw the pot roast in the sink. I’m not eating it. Oh look, my husband comes in the door and looks at me strangely. Why am I talking to myself? he asks.
If you feel that you match one or more of these symptoms, you can report to any bookstore or library for treatment. You cannot be cured of writing, but you can manage the symptoms over your lifetime so you remain sane, healthy and happy.
Mostly sane, anyways.
If you have any symptoms that are not listed, please report them in the comments below.